The Hidden Costs Of Divorce

Is your marriage in trouble? Before you consider a divorce, consider the high emotional and financial costs of divorce. Even if an affair has occurred (this is one of the most common reasons to consider a divorce), it is possible for your relationship to recover.

A marriage is a bit like a corporation and taking it apart is complicated in many ways just as dismantling a business would be but with powerful feelings involved as well. Sometimes a financial appraisal is just as much in order as an emotional one when considering a divorce. If only one partner was a wage earner or if one has made much more than the other, the financial change can be devastating.

In most cases, a divorce means maintaining two households and that is almost always much more expensive than a single residence. When children are involved, the choices in housing are more limited and more costly. In these days of high gas prices, commuting between two parents adds even more to the costs. Of course, being shuttled between two parents also puts undue stress on the children.

Make a true assessment of your situation and you should get a picture of the high cost of divorce financially and emotionally. Remember that child custody is not only a rocky and emotional issue for all involved, but that child support can be a financial nightmare for the parents.

Even when there are no children, dividing property and items acquired as a couple is difficult. There may be practical reasons for needing items as well as sentimental attachments to some things. If a home is involved, it may be necessary to sell it to fairly divide it and this can mean high moving costs and losing the place of good family memories.

If money is the reason for the split, seeing a financial counselor would probably be required to settle issues like dividing the debt. In this case, the process might even save the marriage.

Since affairs are often the cause of a split, learning to heal from an infidelity may be a key to salvaging a relationship and avoiding the high cost of divorce, financially, or emotionally. Again, this often requires professional help. This can come from clergy at no expense, from family services that come on a sliding scale or from a private marriage counselor.

Being hurt by an affair is normal for the betrayed party, but after all the same vows that pledge fidelity also speak of sticking together in good times and in the bad ones. Understanding the whys of an affair can help the healing process as can recognizing that the cheater is just a human being who like all of us makes mistakes.

The identity of being a couple should not be underestimated either, and divorcing changes the whole social dynamic with friends and activities. Even when both parties want a divorce, loneliness is common and so is drifting into impulsive relationships far too soon. A couple should try to remember the good times and put the current distress into perspective.

You might be able to avoid divorce (and its high emotional and financial costs) if you get help and are dedicated to saving the relationship. Even if you get the divorce anyway, the help from experts will probably help ease some of the pains. Be honest about the costs of divorce to yourself and the decision will become much clearer.

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